Mike!'s Very Bad Week

Mike! seems to have got himself in some hot water last week.  He set things in motion Friday before last, when he launched his "Regrets!" tour, letting the world know his character was being moidalized and he was ashamed A) that he was a divorced non-custodial parent, and B) he was once 'cited' for DUI after running a yellow light and blowing a 0.17.

Oooops.

Let's put A aside first.  Nobody cares.  Nobody was going to care.  He knew that; he just needed something to add to his list of Regrets! to maintain the veneer of honesty and civility he's trying to foster.  There are literally tens of millions of divorced non-custodial parents in this country.  Only a retarded monkey candidate would bring this up as part of a "character attack", and Mike! knew it. 

But B.  Oh boy, B gives people something to work with.  Now, I advocated leaving B alone, because, like the divorce, nobody gives a shit, and attacking him for it just vindicates his wounded bleating about non-existent character attacks.  Nobody listened, natch, because...well, switzer's an idiot.  I also advocated focusing our energy on highlighting his misleading bullshit attack ad that he released the same day as his Regrets! tour began, which was clearly what he was trying to draw attention away from.

Luckily, people listened to me this time.  I'm sure all this was in the works anyway, but nothing came out until after I'd mentioned this to a Cantwell staffer, so I'll just tell myself it was my genius that led to their efforts (even if they put out their press release a day before my conversation with them), and you can just go to hell if you think I'm wrong.  A man's gotta convince himself of his worth sometimes. 

So the Cantwell campaign, Dems and MSM all put pressure on him to pull the bullshit attack ad, which he of course refused to do (Republicans, unlike Democrats, never admit mistakes or apologize - Mike!'s Regrets! tour not excepted {because it were a fake apology/admission}).  This provided several days of bad PR as he took beatings from all directions.  He's running another attack ad starting today, btw.  Just fyi. 

But then, lo and behold, exactly seven days after the Regret! was mentioned publicly, a reporter finally got their hands on the actual DUI arrest report.  That's right, Mike! wasn't cited, he was arrested.  Put in cuffs, taken to the hoosegow.  Turns out he was totally shitfaced (of course, .17 is a clue), failed not one, not two, but three field sobriety tests.  He also fell asleep during processing.  And he blew the .17 90 minutes after the initial arrest!  Oh, and there's the little matter that when asked how much he'd had to drink, he told the officer "Two, maybe three beers"...hic!. 

Now he admits he doesn't remember what happened after getting arrested - hoo boy!  It just keeps getting worse!

So, the issue here isn't that he was cataclysmically hammered.  It isn't his incredibly bad judgement.  It's that he lied about this when he was supposedly bearing all and being honest!  (Oh, there's the trifling matter that he knew he shouldn't be driving, not before he got in the car, not all the time but screwed up this time, but didn't realize he shouldn't be driving until he saw the police car's lights.  Classic Republican logic - it isn't that he shouldn't be doing it because it's wrong...it's that he shouldn't be doing it because he got caught.)

Now we hear that the race is listed as leaning Democratic retention, based on piss-poor fundraising, incredibly poor message management, bad poll numbers, and revelations that he's in cahoots with bad oil men from Alaska.  It's just one thing after another for the poor guy, a Very Bad Week indeed!