The 20 Funniest Things About Televangelist Don Stewart Going to Hell

Farking brilliant. Green Prosperity Handkerchiefs and televangelism - Switzerblog is still in the top 10 at google for these, and I intend to keep it that way. Keep pimpin' the green, Don!

...the humility and grace to be ashamed of yourself

‘nuff said.

Delay out? OH. MAH. GAWD.

Wowie! Unlike what a big, strong Texas man would do, Tommy-boy looked at the poll numbers and then this little piggie went "Wee wee wee!" all the way to his condo in Alexandria, VA, where he's changing his legal address so he can become a lobbyist one year from his early retirement date in June.

That's right, this schmuck realized he was going to lose and basically told his district to screw themselves. And yet conservatives are climbing over each other to fawn over his 'integrity' and 'strong leadership'. Delay himself claims it's all the liberals' fault (because what with being out of power in every branch of the government, those liberals are always beating down the poor, downtrodden Republican majority leadership and their hundreds of millions of dollars in contributions. Poor Tom.), and that he's never broken a law, nor even violated House ethics rules (this, of course, despite his indictment and multiple...citations? by the House Ethics Committee back when it used to meet). Aawwwwwwwww.

Anyhoo, this is an exciting day; hoist your frosty malted beverage of choice to the sky and say "One down, 14 to go!", and enjoy yourself before the next Republican atrocity hits the newswires.

Maybe Tommy needs to order himself a Green Prosperity Handkerchief...

Mennonites hate the Green Prosperity Handkerchief

Found this about Don Stewart's crappy hanky from the website of a Mennonite Church (salt of the earth, are the Mennonites. Seriously, they're great, I love them). Here's yon link.

This week I witnessed an extreme example of that as I changed the TV channel to Vision TV. There was a preacher talking in front of a very large congregation, and he was waving around a green handkerchief. And many in the congregation also had green handkerchiefs. He called it a "prosperity handkerchief," and he told his congregation: "If you take this handkerchief and place it on your wallet, God will bless your finances. If you place it on a part of your body where you are sick, God will heal you." And then he turned to the TV audience and placed the handkerchief right next to the camera lens and said: "I invite you to come now and to place your hand on your television screen and touch the green prosperity handkerchief, and God will bless you." It was a classic example of the prosperity gospel, a popular perversion of God's Word, which promises material blessings to a society already richer and healthier than any other in the world. This was a very blatant example of financial idolatry. It rightly turns many people off. But is it any different if we are more subtle in our approach? We may worship the god of money with exuberant excess, but if in our hearts we quietly look to our wealth for security and meaning, isn't that also false worship? Isn't it idolatry in either case?

A Strong Warning: Therefore we need to consider carefully the words the apostle Paul wrote to Timothy: "If we have enough food and clothing, let us be content. But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is at the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows" (1 Tim. 6:8-10). Today's text contains an even stronger warning for us, when God said to Moses, "Quick! Go down the mountain! The people you brought from Egypt have defiled themselves....They have made an idol, shaped like a calf, and they have worshipped and sacrificed to it....Now leave me alone so my anger can blaze against them and destroy them all." Idolatry is a deadly serious matter, whether we bow down to a golden calf or to gold itself. As Waldermar Janzen writes in his commentary, "It is a terrible thing, deserving the sentence of death, to betray the true Lord and worship idols" (Exodus, Herald Press Commentary).

Green Prosperity Handkerchief

I like looking up the searches that drive people to this blog. Lately, there's been a Google run on the words "green prosperity handkerchief" (or hanky), which lead to this post. I assume some of you are just curious about the obviously scurrilous claim that you can become rich through faith, as I was, and wondered if anyone else had noticed how odd this man's pitch is. This post is for those folks who are actually hoping to give Don some of your hard-earned money.

Listen, you retards: Don Stewart is lying to you. Never in 2,000 years of Christian teaching has anyone suggested that Jesus intended for you to become rich, or that the path to doing so was to send money to preachers. Never, until people like Don Stewart appeared. You are being taken for a ride by a dirty little man, leader of a new community of Get-Rich-Quick-Through-God scammers enriching themselves (not their churches) at your expense.

Read through this article. The guy who writes it, and his organization, is a little wacky, but the facts around Don Stewart are the same whether written by me, your pastor, or an eccentric old guy from Wichita. Don Stewart robs people. He's been doing it for decades, and he's taught other false preachers to do it, as well.

Think about everything you know about your faith, about God, about the bible, about Christianity. What does any of that have to do with enriching yourself or others? Nothing - it doesn't. It's about enriching your heart and your soul, nothing less, nothing more.

If you're falling for this because you've hit hard times and will turn wherever you can in desperation, look somewhere else, because Don Stewart and his Green Prosperity Handkerchief aren't going to help you - they're not on your side. Approach your church directly and ask for the help you need. Communities of faith have always pitched in to help their less-fortunate brothers and sisters, and they don't need televangelist shamans to do it for them today. If you're seriously down on your luck and don't know where to turn, email me with the details (disabled, just plain poor, everything stolen, can't get work, whatever...) and I'll find out where you need to go to get what you need. I will not divulge details on the blog (although hate mails will be posted toot friggin' suite). Help is given for helps' sake.

Now, if you're falling for this because you're gullible and have too much cash on your hands, or you really think Don Stewart has some good use for your money that will also bring you some increased financial stability, please stop doing this. Are you kidding me? There are dozens of legitimate places to put your money where it will go to people who need it - and that, my friends, is the Lord's work. Giving money to Don with the hopes of getting something back is the exact opposite of what a Christian, even a well-meaning one, should do. Get your act together and show respect to your faith. Over the next couple days, I'll post some charities and even faith-based organizations that could actually use your money and will put it to use helping people who really need it. I urge you to take advantage of my research.

Come to think of it: If you're looking for a way to help someone with your money, email me and I'll hook you up with some of the poor souls who email me for help. This way, you can help someone directly. Won't that be better? Think of the reward in Heaven when you help people in this way, rather than sending cash off to some TV preacher in hopes of financial reward.