A word about fonts

One more thing. I don't know what's going on with the font colors - something with the stylesheet. I'll try and tweak it, but for now, just accept my apologies for any damage my writing does to your corneas.

More on Fascinating Womanhood

So, when you google "Fascinating Womanhood", Switzerblog is the second hit. All hail meta-switzer! What you also find when you google "Fascinating Womanhood" is that there are a LOT of people who still subscribe to it. So to you who are looking for answers for your marriage in a 50 year old book and discredited methodology: Thanks for stopping by, sorry to disappoint, and please take your crazy elsewhere. We're all full up here.

So. Greatest. Hit. Ever. Same google search produced this link, to the bio for Mrs. Lawson, who appeard on Wife Swap back in December. Mrs. Lawson is a grown woman who ...wait, breaking news...

*side note* I watch late-night TV. It often makes me sad, and especially the pseudo-Christian televangelists. I'm watching Don Stewart of Power and Mercy, who is pushing a green prosperity handkerchief, which you can just call to receive. He's of course wearing a green shirt, as well. The guy is in the new televangelist mode, who swears that God wants you to be rich, and if you'll just pray with him and, to quote what he just said, call now and swear your tithe, God will fill your coffers with the money that he wants you to have. Indeed, call now to make a vow of tithe. Yeesh, he's asking for $1000! This nonsense make me furious. His show has absolutely nothing to do with Christianity. He wants the poor people watching him to send him money, and he promises to send them a great blessing. Don Stewart will send the blessing - not God, but Don. Disgusting. If you want YOUR green prosperity handkerchief, click here. Get your crappy green hanky today! What a jackass...

Oops, he's been replaced by Robert Tilton swearing that if they just call and tithe to their ministry, God will make them rich. It's replaced the get-rich-quick infomercials! He's urging you to follow the word of God and get rich, which he defines as "having more than you need". Wow, I remember Jesus assuring us a rich man will have the MOST difficult time getting into heaven. Evil. Just. Evil.

Anyhoo. Mrs. Lawson follows the tenets of Fascinating Womanhood - even teaches a class on it! Let's see some of her answers to the bio questions:

Oh. My. God. He's urging people to buy his book and become a millionaire.

Anyway. Back to Mrs. Lawson. (Man, these guys are distracting!)

"A wife must make her husband feel masculine. When women do men's jobs, men feel threatened, home life gets disrupted, and marriages are ruined. I would never do anything to undermine my husband's masculinity, including working outside the home. Some professions are especially inappropriate for women. We believe that women should never be police officers or fire fighters. Women need to be protected, not protect."

Yeesh.

What tips can you give for coping with your other half? My husband comes first; he is the head of our household and I don't tell him what to do around our house. Men need to feel strong and masculine, and I wouldn't feel comfortable taking on male characteristics, like being assertive, decisive and powerful. Women are meant to be ladylike and feminine, and that's what men respond best to in a woman.

When my husband gets home, I turn my attention to him. I go to the door, take his coat and shoes and make sure he's comfortable. If he's had a rough day, I massage his back and feet. I have dinner ready for him when he walks through the door and serve him whenever he's ready to eat.

...

When, on the rare occasion, my husband does get angry, I've learned that acting childlike helps diffuse things.
...

What subject do you and your partner disagree on the most?
If we disagree, we don't argue. We discuss our differences, but as the man of the house, my husband has the final say.

Calvin [switzer: Calvin is their 17-year old] is not allowed to date as long as he is living in our house because we believe that dating only sets people up for divorce. We recently discovered he had a girlfriend at school, so we had to come down hard on him. He is allowed to talk on the phone with family members and male friends. Calvin wants to move out when he's finished with high school. He would prefer to have more freedom.

...

Does your partner ever cook?
My husband cooking does not and will not happen. I believe it's my job to cook, and he wouldn't do it anyway. I believe the kitchen is the woman's place. He doesn't set foot in it.

...

I know I shouldn't cater to my children's pickiness, but I do anyway. After all, it's a mother's job to make sure her children are fed. Jamar does not eat foods that are mixed together, like soups or casseroles. He likes chicken and pasta but not pasta and chicken together. He eats all of one thing before he moves on to the next and doesn't like them to touch on the plate. [switzer: hey, lady - you've made your kid obsessive-compulsive. Yay, God!]

And the best part: I'll put the financial section up in toto:

FINANCES

Who controls the money?

My husband controls the money. I let him know what I need for groceries, cleaning supplies and clothes for the kids, and he decides what he will give me. I'm grateful for it. I keep track of the bills, when they're due and when they need to be paid. I let him know what needs to be paid and how much. He decides when and how. I don't spend money without asking him.

If I want something, I tell my husband and explain why it would be useful to me. I then step back and let him make a decision while I pray about it. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a car, but it is not a priority right now. Demetrius will get us a second vehicle when the time is right for us.

Are you spenders or savers?

I don't know whether we're spenders or savers.

How much do you each spend on treats or vices per week?

I usually don't spend more than $5 a week on myself. If I spend anything, it's to buy a special coffee. I get the kids candy if I walk to the gas station. I don't' know what Demetrius spends.

People really believe this shit. I'll keep posting excerpts. For those of you coming here for inspirational reading, know this: I'm mocking you. Fascinating Womanhood is a relic. You are a relic. And please, please, pleeeezzzz, leave comments. I'd LOVE to hear from folks who share Mrs. Lawson's views (or better yet, one of her students!)

It's alllll good

Just an update - Mrs. Switzer's flight landed safely, two hours late. Turns out the air conditioning failed on the plane and rather than fix it, Alaska decided it would be okay to fly. So with known mechanical problems, they decided to go ahead and put a metal tube 30,000 feet up in the sky and let their paying guests just sweat it out.

Thanks, Menzies, you non-union retards, for managing to limp my wife home without killing her and the other 100 people on that plane.

No more Alaska flights for the Switzers.

Now serving, number 88. Number 88, your death is ready

Hrmph. So I'm waiting for Mrs. Switzer to come home from California - she was supposed to leave Oakland at 5:45 and land just before 7:00, but now they're scheduled to leave at...um...six minutes ago and land after 8:00. Of course, the plane's still on the ground. Fortunately, she's flying Alaska, which is perfectly fricking safe. So I'm not nervous or anything. Thanks, non-union Alaska employees! Please don't kill my wife!

Anyhoo, it seems we've killed the number 2 guy in Al Qaeda...again! Hooray! Fweeet! This time, we did it on a bombing run in a village - in an allied country with which we are not at war. Sorry, civilians in Pakistan, no hard feelings from the infidels! All our bombings are conducted with your freedom in mind.

See, here's the thing. This is, like, the 88th consecutive number two guy in Al Qaeda that we've allegedly blown to hell along with various of their cousins, neices and nephews. Don't you think that at some point, folks would start to refuse promotions? Like, say "No thanks, Osama, I'm happy being regional manager of acquisitions" or something? Or maybe, just maybe, our civilian leaders at the Pentagon like to keep telling us this whenever things get rough for the ol' boss in that big house across the river. Hmmmmm...Let's keep an eagle eye on this story.

[UPDATE] Alaska says the flight's taken off. Here's hoping!

Be a fascinating woman in three easy steps

It's time. I'm starting my series of posts from the 1963 book "Fascinating Womanhood", by Helen B. Andelin. Me and Mrs. Switzer came into possession of an original 1963 edition of the book, which appears to be unblemished by the hand of whichever apparently less-than-fascinating woman owned it. Every so often, I'm going to provide, for your pleasure, an excerpt from the book. I mean, really, what switzer-reader doesn't want to be a fascinating woman?

It should be noted that the image to the left is straight outtta the book - it's the visual representation of what men want - apparently, we want the angelic/human woman. So without further ado... (this should be gooooood)

Today's excerpt is from Chapter 3: Accept a man at face value. I begin mid-chapter, in a section titled "Is there ever a time when I should try to change him?" (the answer is "no", btw). I will post the excerpt verbatim, but will add emphasis via bolding for the really delicious parts.

---

3. When A Man Does Something Wrong: Another time to respond to a man's faults is when he is dishonest, unkind, weak, sinful, or in any way shows a lack of character. If you overlook his weakness, you display a lack of character yourself. The way to respond to his improper conduct is this: At first show reluctance to believe it. Say that you thought it was impossible for a man such as he to do such a thing. If you are compelled to believe it, indicate that you know it is contrary to his true nature and was only the result of carelessness or thoughtlessness. You must be immensely disappointed at his temporary lapse, but your faith in his better side must be unshaken.

SOME SPECIAL PROBLEMS

1. The Alcoholic Husband: Many women ask, must I accept alcoholism in my husband? Alcoholism is one of the most difficult of faults for a woman to accept in a man, due to related problems of squandering money, ugliness of disposition, dishonesty, unreliableness, other women, and the deterioration of the home. Women almost despair over this problem. Many have asked me, "How can I accept what he has done to our life?" In answer, "you must accept htis," but let me stress some points which will make this acceptance possible.

First, realize that alcoholism is one of the most difficult of all weaknesses to overcome. You will have to gain an understanding of the depth of the problem and a sympathy for what the man faces. I know you have been told this before, but here is what you can do to make sympathy real. Once a month fast for three days - going without all food or beverage - nothing but water. You will soon get the picture of what you are expecting of a man when you ask him to give up his enslaving habit. Although food is not a habit, going without it will serve our purpose of gaining sympathy.

Next, try to gain a humility of spirit in the following way: Take a look at your reaction to his problem. Even though you have known better, you have probably yelled, nagged, insulted and abused him for the mess he has made of your lives. When he acts like he does, you have had a bad attitude, lost patience and exploded. You may have tried to live the principles of Fascinating Womanhood, but time and time again you have failed to apply them.

If you can admit such weakness in yourself, the inability to control yourself and a failure to do what you know you should do, then can you condemn your husband for his weakness, a most difficult human weakness to overcome? Your weaknesses are relatively easy to overcome. His are almost impossible. If you will "cast out the beam from your own eye first," then you will be able to see the terrible enslaving bond of alcoholism that your husband is under.

2. Cruelty to children: If a man is dangerously cruel with his children in that he would harm either body or spirit, the wife has a moral and sacred obligation to protect her children by taking them out of his presence or even out of the household and remaining away until all danger is past. This step can be taken kindly but firmly, not condemning the man, but protecting the children. You will have to accept even cruelty as a human weakness and not judge the man, but try to understand the causes of his cruelty. Your own kind but firm spirit may be the means of bringing him to reality.

3. Other Women: There are two things a woman can rightfully expect in marriage, and they are fidelity and financial support. If the husband is involved with another woman, I suggest that the wife deal with the problem in the following way:

First, face your part in the problem by asking yourself what you did to drive him away. After a study of Fascinating Womanhood, you will see many of these mistakes. Correcting these errors can be the means of winning him back, and in many cases this has been done quickly and under difficult circumstances.

After you have eliminated your mistakes and become a wonderful wife, if he continues immoral practices, it will be time to bring him to a showdown, stating clearly but firmly that he will have to make a choice and that if he does not give her up you will have to leave him. And be prepared to keep your word.

It is morally wrong for a woman to continue to live with a man who is immoral. It can actually prevent his repentance, for if he has both of you, he does not have the incentive he needs to give her up. This step can be taken with understanding and humility, accepting the sin as a great human weakness, extremely difficult to overcome. This can be done without condemning or judging him. A woman cannot turn her back on her husband's infidelity with a clear conscience. She has a moral obligation to make an effort to win him back, for as long as he lives in sin he is on the way to destruction. By winning him back, you not only save a marriage, but a soul!

4. Nonsupport: The second thing a woman can expect in marriage is financial support. This means an income to cover necessities and a home of her own - a house, apartment or respectable dwelling place away from any other family. If the man does not provide these things, there is justification for action.

Since women are not inclined to let the children suffer hunger or want, many solve this problem by going to work. This step, however, will weaken the man's incentive and increase the problem. If she provides the income, he is removed from the weight of his responsibility. If the wife refuses to work, an indolent man may walk out on his responsibility and leave the wife to face her problems alone. In this case, the wife has no choice but to support the family but should refuse to have the man return until he arranges for their support. I am not implying that there are not certain circumstances and emergencies when the wife should work, but the responsibility is the man's as we will learn in a later chapter.

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Wow! So we're off to a great start! Remember ladies, if your husband is a dumbass, lazy cheater, it's your fault. Get your act together! I have a feeling this theme will be repeated...

AOL Search = powerful stuff

So I'm looking at my referrers to see what's up, who's visiting, and why the hell they would come here. I see someone searched for "good thoughts" which, while you won't actually find any here, is at least part of my metatags. I see some addle-minded person searched for "switzerblog" (and good on ya!).

But the coop de graces: it turns out if you use AOL search for "how can you die of a inflated appendix?", Switzerblog is the first search item returned.

AOL, how can I ever thank you? It's such an honor! Thank you, thank you so much for writing such shitty search software that my lil' home can be the first search result for a fatal medical affliction. *blush*

From Kos, my new talking point

It's not a Republican scandal, it's the Republican Party .

By the way

If anybody knows how to get a site feed working on blogger, let me know. Leftyblogs wants it and it doesn't work.

And it's well-known that I'm an idiot

Yearly Kos, baybee!

First of all, to those of you STILL commenting on the R. Kelly thread - enough already! For the love of god, it's the worst song in the history of songdom, if you disagree you're an idiot and possibly a crackhead, and besides, the thread is MONTHS old - nobody cares anymore! Buncha R. Kelly-worshipping dumbasses...

So while I sit here drinking way too much coffee and my daily EmergenC (because commercials never lie - it must work!), I'm already making plans for the yearly Kos convention in June. If the organizers pull it off, we could have 10,000 progressive bloggers at the Riviera in Vegas for three days of planning, networking and meeting with politicians. My money says they'll only manage to convince 5,000 to make the trip, but I've been wrong before [note: this is not true. switzer is never wrong].

Yesterday, Harry Reid became the first confirmed speaker at the convention. Naturally, it only took a couple hours before Republicans attacked Reid, Kos, and liberals. Once again, proof that they're terrified of a real opposition that fights, and that they have no plan for governance - just a permanent campaign of hostility.

Don Stewart, an aide to Sen. John Cornyn says Reid is "opening himself up to a swarm of criticism by those who are offended by the vitriol spewed by that
group. It looks an awful lot like an endorsement of their comments -- and
that's an albatross he probably doesn't want."

That's what our friends in GOP land want the message to be when anyone, anywhere, tries to work with liberals and progressives. "offended by the vitriol spewed". I always like when A) Republicans, who are outraged that anyone could be "offended" by words when it comes to racist slurs, sexist comments or *gasp* Christmas, whine and cry about being offended by diarists at Kos, and B) they ironically spew vitriol by constantly claiming liberals spew vitriol. (this doesn't even touch on the beautiful irony of Falafel O'Reilly whining constantly about George Soros and "smear sites" and personal attacks while calling every liberal - EVERY liberal - a pinhead, America hater, treasonous...the list goes on. Keep talking, Falafel)

So it's clear that these morons plan to complain and whine and moan that Democrats might possibly gather somewhere to make a plan and will attack anyone who agrees to gather with them to speak. Here's hoping that Reid and any other leaders who agree to attend have the cojones to withstand the verbal assault they'll be treated to. Here's also hoping that every liberal blogger in the country from now on will respond with a furious barrage of press releases every time a Republican elected official appears with a white supremacist convention, shares a stage with Ann Coulter, or genuflects at a gathering of Freepers. They've been doing this for years, and no one on the left makes a friggin' peep. Time for nicey-nice to end. They don't like us gathering, we don't like them gathering even more loudly. Hell, they might be meeting to launder their Abramoff money!

Okay, so go sign up for Yearly Kos. I don't want to hear your money situation, ya buncha crybabies! This is a chance for the biggest Seattle Kos Not-a-Meetup in history, and a roadtrip to boot! And I don't want to be the only Washington blogger there...