Fascinating Womanhood, Green Prosperity Handkerchiefs

The people have spoken. As my three regular readers know, I watch my hits religiously and obsess about referring links. Primarily, I love to know what people search on Google when they find me. Lately, there's been another run on the Green Prosperity Handkerchief and Fascinating Womanhood. Being a man of democracy as well as exceeding good looks and fashion sense, I shall give you what you want!

Christ, this could take a while...Mrs. Switzer started reading the Fascinating Womanhood book. We'll have to wait while she processes her outrage...

Okay, we're back. First, a word on Don Stewart and his "Green Prosperity Handkerchief" scam. If you're looking for the green hankies because you want to help Don out and maybe get rich yourself, you need to do a couple things: 1) Change the channel. You saw him on TV and bought his line. 2) Address your own financial situation, and get real help from real people. There is always help available. Don is not going to help you; in fact, he wants to take what little money you have left and put it in his pocket. 3) Know that Don Stewart has been convicted, more than once, for stealing the money of people just like you. It's okay to be poor and hope for a miracle, but you've got to work for that miracle, and stop trusting immoral hucksters like Don. (and if you're here because you saw through the scam and want to find out more about Don, welcome, friend!)

So here's how this works. I find a section of Fascinating Womanhood that just has to be shared, and I share it. Then you read it. Then I say some nasty things about the loons who actually subscribe to this nonsense. Then Switzerblog continues it's meteoric rise to fame (5 regular readers, here we come!).

Today, we're going to learn about "childlike anger". Apparently, this is a great way to keep your husband happy (the ultimate goal of FW) and still get your way (goal #2). She starts with a description of a child's anger...

They are so trusting, so sincere, and so innocent, and yet so piquant and outspoken that they are often teased into anger. They are too innocent to feel hate, jealousy, resentment and the uglier emotions. When such a child is teased, she does not respond with some hideous sarcasm. Instead she stamps her foot and shakes her curls and pouts. She gets adorably angry at herself because her efforts to respond are impotent.

You see where this is going...Next we get an introduction in how to express childlike anger.

2. Manner: Next time you are angry with your husband, why not try some childlike mannerisms: Stomp your foot, lift your chin high and square your shoulders. Then, if the situation merits it, turn and walk briskly to the door, pause and look back over your shoulder. Or you can put both hands on your hips and open your eyes wide. Or (warning - Switzer's favorite tactic in 3, 2, 1...), beat your fists on your husband's chest. Men love this! (Mrs. Switzer tried it for me - it was mostly weird.) Or, there is the timid, frustrated manner of pouting, looking woeful or looking with downcast eyes while mumbling under your breath, or putting both hands to your face, saying "Oh, dear!" These are only a few of the childlike mannerisms you can adopt.

Some of these actions may seem unnatural to you, at first. If they do, you will have to be an actress to succeed in childlike anger, even if only a ham actress. But, remember, you will be launching an acting career which will save you pain, tension, frustration, a damaged relationship and perhaps even save a marriage. Is any acting career of greater importance? So, turn on the drama. It is guaranteed to prick tension in no time flat and bring humor into your life instead of pain.

That's right, ladies. If he's laughing at you, he can't be angry at you. Don't worry about working things out, just go ahead and humiliate yourself a bit for your man's amusement, and all will be well! Back to it...

3. Use Adjectives: Acquire a list of expressions or words which compliment masculinity, such as "you big, tough brute," or "you stubborn, obstinate man," or "you hairy beast" (oh, yeah, baby). Other appropriate adjectives are - unyielding, determined, difficult, hard-hearted, inflexible, unruly, stiff-necked, indomitable and invincible. Be certain that your words compliment masculinity and will not belittle his ego, such as the words little, imp, pip-squeak, insignificant, weak, simple-minded, etc.

Yeah, save weak and simple-minded for yourself, toots.

4. Exaggerate: Exaggerate his treatment of you by saying, for example, "How can a great big man like you pick on a poor little helpless girl like me!" or "So this is the way you treat a poor little helpless girl," or "Oh, what a dreadful thing to do!" or "You are the meanest man in town." Or, be charmingly defensive by saying, "I'm just a poor, erring, wayward little human being," or "Everyone has at least one little fault. Nobody's perfect!" Or, make childlike threats by saying, "I'll never speak to you again," or "I won't do anything for you anymore," or "I'll tell your mother on you." Be sure that your expressions represent a trustful, feminine woman of high character and not a vulgar or suspicious one.

Good lord - don't tell the Switzermom! Now, for some ground rules: When you do and do not have a right to be angry.

You have a right to express anger when you have been mistreated - when you have been insulted, criticized harshly, imposed on too far, treated unfairly, ignored, teased, etc. But you do not have a right to express anger when the man has failed in his world of responsibility, when he has made a stupid mistake in his work, lost his job, neglected to cut the lawn, balance the budget or wash the car, etc. He has a right to be himself, to be weak, lazy, to neglect his duty or even to fail. That is his department. He does not, however, have a right to mistreat you. This is where we draw the line.

So, I have to ask: Is it not mistreating you if he fails to be responsible? Don't both parties have an obligation to not be lazy, to ensure the family doesn't wind up destitute? This crazy broad has just indicated that men have a right to impose more work on women by being lazy and neglecting whatever their own jobs may be, because that is somehow not mistreatment! That's not even funny - it just scares me that there are still women who think this way! Oy. Anyway, crazy broad goes on to tell us that you don't use childlike anger to change your man, just to vent your feelings when he mistreats you. (If you haven't been following along, you're not allowed to try to reform a man who mistreats you according to FW) Don't use it for "trifles" so you don't seem picky, and even though it's difficult, you must use it for major offenses like, you know, physical abuse and infidelity. She makes it clear this may be difficult, but it isn't impossible! Let's take a look at major offense, then I'll let you get on with your life.

MAJOR OFFENSES
There are some serious ways in which men sometimes mistreat women - infidelity, physical abuse, gross neglect, non-support, and lack of respect for human rights and liberty, etc. When a man thus mistreats his wife, she needs to live the entire philosophy of Fascinating Womanhood for a period of time, to soften his heart and try to bring about a reformation in his behavior.

You read that right. If he cheats or beats you, don't leave - just practice being a Fascinating Woman. The best part is coming up.

Men's ugly actions are sometimes the woman's fault, sometimes due to her lack of acceptance, admiration, sympathetic understanding, and her failure to place him No. 1. When she so neglects his greatest needs, she can bring out his ugly side.

Yeah, you read that right.

But, in addition to living all of Fascinating Womanhood, major offenses can sometimes be handled with childlikeness. For example, a woman wrote to me the following experience: "One night my husband was out with another woman. As I waited in agony for him to come home in the early morning hours, I determined to react with childlikeness. When he came home, I ran to the door to meet him, threw my arms around him weeping, and said, 'Oh, how could you do this to poor little me?' My husband was aroused to compassion and took me tenderly in his arms. This was the beginning of a new life for us."

Yes, a life where you're going to get syphillis from your cheating shit of a husband.

Christ. Okay, listen. If you're here because you searched Fascinating Womanhood and you're interested in using the method to improve your marriage, please - consider just finding a better man to be married to. This book is nonsense. It is not your responsibility to be taken advantage of, or to roll over while your husband hits you, lies to you, fails to make any effort to help support the family, gathers STD's from some other woman. You are just as capable of handling the finances as a man. Men don't want women who wear frilly dresses around the house or who avoid physical labor by manipulating their men. Be a partner - if your man can't handle it, he's got insecurity problems that you can't fix, and it ain't worth trying.